There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
