I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
