Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
