if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
