In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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