covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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