Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
