I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
only you would photoshop your dick
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
