I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
