I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
