I wish my penis had an off switch
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
