I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sober January is a disaster.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
