it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
