True but thats because hes a fetus.
Your dad touched me again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
