good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
