I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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