I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
