I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
