Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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