My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
being pregnant is like rehab
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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