I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
