She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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