peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
