You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
