Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
