so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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