i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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