I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
