It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
