you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
