dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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