Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
