so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
