I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
