I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
