my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
