Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to calm my uterus...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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