His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
