my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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