In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
