Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
