don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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