the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
