As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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