My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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