I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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