We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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