can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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