when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He has the fingertips of a God
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
