Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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