You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
